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I've been a little lost lately, especially today. I'm scattered, torn between the last days with my kids home with me and a heavy to-do list.

Writing is frightening me off lately. I've recieved three rejections in the past week! Sigh. I do start to wonder why I'm doing all this. Not that I've got a choice in the writing bit; I have to do that or I'd...well, I'd be miserable. But as for submissions...it's hard not to lose hope that I'll ever write something anyone wants to read. I'm moderately competent, I believe, in craft, based on the rejections I get and reviews from my brutal crit group. I apparently can say what I mean to say.

But I'm beginning to wonder if what I mean to say is actually saleable. For instance, HINTERLAND: On the surface it's your basic portal story (Narnia). But what I really speak to is the War; the book is my expression of a rapidly dwindling hope that we can make a difference in that part of the world--not by changing it, but by embracing it.

Sean goes to another world like our soldiers go to Iraq and Afghanistan (essentially another world) and the people there look to him to make peace. Most of the people in power, as well as a terrorist group, see him as a threat to the status quo. Sean is at heart a soldier, about as fucked up as he can be without being insane (most soldiers have to be a little fucked in head to do what they do), but he's got principles, goddammit. I believe most soldiers have principles. They go into war hoping to make a difference. Sean, to me, represents their hope and principles.

But I can't say all that in a query because the story should speak for itself--the story and characters should do that work for me.

But then maybe I'm all wrong. Maybe people don't care and don't even want to hope that the War turns out well. Maybe people hate Bush enough that they hope it won't work--that the Middle East will deteriorate into war and destroy itself. (Not bloody likely, since it's been around this long.)

And shit, don't even get me started on the short stories. Bleh.

Or, maybe it's the impending birthday. Nothing that a whole lot of beer won't cure, I'm sure.