Since when have we decided that hair is not good? It's not like I've got a hairy back or nostrils or something, but the cultural shaving requirements are getting way out of hand. PHF would agree. In wintertime he wears a goatee (don't try this at home - most guys look like douchebags with a goatee) and the trimming and shaving and shaping drives him nuts. But I like it, so he does it. He likes my legs smooth (among other places) so I do it too. But I always miss a spot so then I got this ruffly strip on my frickin' leg all day. Irritates the hell out of me.
And plucking eyebrows? Christ. Yeah, I follow the crowd, but not often enough. Hey, don't judge. Yanking out eyebrow hairs makes me cry.
I used to not shave often enough either. Now I do it every time I shower, automatically. Dunno if I cared less about being hairless in my twenties, or maybe I'm just getting more swarthy and hairy in my old age. I'm kind of hairy - and it's dark too (not that you can tell by the hair on my heady-head-head), so even when I shave reeeal good I always think I've got a shadow in my pits.
And are you supposed to shave your thighs? Shaving thighs... hey, that's a good tongue-twister when you're drunk. Try it. Shaving thighs shaving thighs shaving thighs thaving shives thaving shithes. Actually, it's a good finger-twister for typing when you're sober. Anyway, shaving thighs doesn't seem to work for me. The hair is too soft to shave off. But I do it anyway.
I know some hairy people. My brother has a hairy back. Speed Racer and I get my hair cut by the same chick and her arms are way hairy. She's sort of monkey-like that way. My monkey is way hairy, and yes I realize that could be taken in a myriad of ways but I mean my daughter MonkeyLass. She was covered in a dark, downy coat for about a year after she was born, and she still has a little patch where her tattoo will someday go; right above her future thong (Cryp - that's a g-string for you, I ain't talkin' about an ankle). It's passed down through the mother's line, apparently I had major hair on my ears when I was born. I'll hasten to add that it's mostly gone now.
My arms are a little hairy, but fortunately the hair bleaches out in the summer from the sun. Well, maybe that's not so good. I get tan in summer, really quite dark, and so then I suppose it looks like I've got this pale halo on my arms, huh? And then in winter, when I'm all pale, the hair is dark brown and probably is really obvious. Great. Never thought of it that way before just now. Jebus, how I love self-discovery on the internet.
Then there's the whole issue of shaving "down south." Uh, ok, well, yeah. I'll go with: I take off a fair amount. Never got up the guts to do the whole shabang. For one, I can't see it or really reach it all that well. Hell, if I could, what would I need PHF for?
Somehow a few years back this subject came up in a bar. The general consensus among the guys was that they liked it bare-assed naked, so to speak.
I protested going to the supreme lengths required by their petty sexual pleasure. "It's not like shaving your calf or your cheek, you know. There's... grooves and ridges and crevices and... dampness... that make for a tricky operation."
One of the brilliant drunk blokes told me to, "Use a mirror."
To which I replied, "You take a blade to the back of your business using a fogged up hand-mirror and then we'll talk."
I think I was thirty years old before I realized that chicks waxed down there. I knew people waxed other places, of course, but there?? Even with all the porn the thought just never occurred. Why would someone put themselves through it just to be more attractive or sexy. I'd starve myself, get a tattoo, piercings, spend a fortune getting my hair colored, paint my friggin' toenails even in the winter; but getting my pubes (!) ripped out by the roots is not high on my beauty to-do list. Christ, that would hurt like a mother-fucker, wouldn't it? (I'm sure some of you know just how bad it hurts, and if you must share, then go ahead, I guess.) If I were single and pursuing some guy who liked the School Girl Look, then maybe. But I ain't, so I don't have to do that shit.
Really, I shouldn't even broach the topic of "personal shaving." All that ever needed to be said about the shaving "down under" was written by a chick who lives "down under." Her name is Weggly and she's nearly as wild as me.
You can thank me for the link later, Jack, Greg, Cryp, Krypto, Tommy, Lunatic!, Pete, etc...