daily horoscope

Your world is filled with delicious options. Time to sample the buffet.

Isn't that always the way when you need to lose a few pounds. Fucking Universe. It's conspiring against me... against me, I tell you!!

This part was more promising, though I'm leery any time the actual Universe is named because of (see above):

Talk about a fun, exciting time! The Universe has finally heard your silent plea for new and interesting company -- and better still, it's arranged to make that wish come true.

I was just saying last night at dinner (right after my youthful appearance sparked a round of checking i.d.s that was rivaled in idiocy only by this nation's president) that I've decided that want a bona fide entourage. You know, a few folks to follow me, hang on my every word, etc... in a word, some Peeps. (PHF's term, not mine!)

PHF pointed out that perhaps my blog audience was an entourage of sorts.

I said I didn't think you all would appreciate being called peeps. "You know some of us bloggers" (ewey, I still hate that word) "still have a measure of self-respect left. Sure, we enjoy the company of our little stranger pen pals to nearly the exclusion of all other activities. Sure, our self-worth is now measured in hits and comments. Sure we fantasize about people who likely look and behave nothing like the characters they perpetuate on the net. But we have standards, by God and no one," I was standing up by now, beer in one fist, pounding the white-table-clothed, steak place table with the other, "no one will ever call us Peeps."

Then everyone of course started making little chickie noises and I ran out of the restaraunt crying like a little baby who's just been pinched. But I didn't spill my beer.

When I returned after seeing to my eyeliner and mascara (of which I wear a significant amount) Virtigo pointed out that I do have an entourage, and have had for lo these six years. She was referring to the ubiquitous Lad and MonkeyLass.

She had a point, dammit. But, that means all of you are off the hook.

Funny comment by the Lad:

This very a.m. the kid got up, but for some odd reason went back to bed. After about the first five times of telling him to get up... What I said was "get up, honey." What I was thinking was "Get the fuck up, for crissake, you'll be late to school and then I'll have to go in and sign something in the office!" Anyway, when I started sounded irritated his response was thus:

*giggle* "I didn't hear a please."

me: *dramatic sigh while trying not to laugh out loud and not succeeding* "Please."

him: *giggle giggle* "Say the whole sentence, including please."

Which of course is what I always say to him. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop when we are children, though doesn't.

I'm working on a post with the working title "Actual shit mothers have said to their adult children." If you have anything to contribute, send suggestions to taming_the_tiger@yahoo.com, and thanks in advance. (Not that I don't have plenty of my own experiences to draw from.)

10 comments:

luke said...

haha! whaddup 'peeps.' Greetings. Worse to me is being called 'young people.' I grew up all too often having to sit through frikkin long sermons by ego-maniacal evangelistic bible-thumpin preachers, "young people, now is the time...the gates to hell loom wide..."

T Kwong said...

Me mum went to law school, so everything she says is always very detailed and clear; no weaseling out of it at all. The one time I tried the, "please," trick it failed miserably.

-Thomas

pete said...

True story luke, Now young people I want you to come forward and recieve the lord into your heart before you die of an anurism like my best friend johonny did at the age of 16!! God hates you and he is going to kill you. your only chance is to come forward so I can pad my states about my converts. praise the lord

but on a more seriouse note as long as you don't call use peeps I would follow you around as long as there is alcohol. that is how rockstars do it. (free alcohol to anyone who will follow me around)

Jack said...

I'd be glad to be a peep, so long as it's of the marshmallow variety.

jake said...

I am definitely not cool enough to be a peep, but I'll be on the list for the entourage if all the other cool people get hit by trucks. Good job on not spilling that beer, oh sweet nectar of life.

Lunatic said...

If we were your peeps you woulda spilled a little of that beer, you know... for the homies who couldn't be there. And, I'll follow, if you are leading a pub crawl.

Ooh, I love when girls wear lots of eye make-up.

BTW, I am also a Leo. We kick ass.

Greg said...

Yo checkit sex, I'll be one of yo mothafuckin peeps anyday. See down here we keep it off the chain, straight off the rippah baby. Bitches 40's and blunts, that's how we do it down here. I'd be glad to throw down wit ya mothafuckin posse, just say the werd and I'll be up in the cuts, rollin wif choo.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

luke - you are "young people" babe. 23. Hmm, i love a 23 year old's stomach. So lean.

Tomalina - hmm, your mom is serious and straightforward you say? never would have gotten that from your personality. :P

sex scenes at starbucks said...

pete and jack -
ummm, marshmellows and beer and two boys. sounds like the makings of a perfect evening.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

loony - yes, us leos rock, and we are good in bed too.
next time i spill some beer i'll think of you.

yes, i wear lots of eye make up. everyone thinks it's too much with the eyeliner, but i look hot that way so fuck 'em.

greg - you got fake id, honey? aah, that's ok, we're le entourage. we can get you in.