This has been a weird week and I think much of it has been driven by illness. The first couple of days I felt too shitty to do much but sit here and write. It was a productive time - more on that later - but I did actually feel quite like crap. However, when you're the mommy, life goes on. So I kept on with the feeding, watering, and safe-keeping of the little ones; albeit not very well. (Jeez, I keep using albeit. There's some meaning to it, just don't know what.)
But guess what? When you're the blogger, blogging goes on too. I posted very little, got a little nudge from Greg (actually, a couple of nudges. Point taken, Greggie. We're still in lust though, right?) and I came down off my cold meds long enough to take a gander at the hit counter. Holy cow. I'm sitting over 3000 hits all the sudden. I checked the stats and realized that I'm getting over 60 individual hits a day. This is hardly Monkey-dom, or Vadergrrlish, but jeez, this is cool. I used to teach, so I equate it to that. The kids show up, sit down, take out their notebooks and look up at you with that challenge in their eyes: "Whatcha got? And it better be worth my time."
My mom always sighs, "Why would you want to talk with someone you don't know?" There's a wonderful freedom in it. I've been able to stretch personal boundaries. I've pushed poor PHF too, and I've learned that he really is the loving, tolerant man I always knew he was (sometimes one forgets that when one is in the midst of arguing over bills and folding laundry). (An aside about marriage here: my bro gave me the best piece of advice about marriage. He said, "Sometimes he is just gonna lay on the sofa all day. And you're gonna be pissed. But that's what he wants to do, so let him do it without a bunch of flak.")
I've even pushed some of you, and you've pushed back, which is more rewarding than I'd realized it could be. I'm a writer, and like Virtigo pointed out recently: I've got this primal, base need to be read. This is the first time I've ever been read to this extent. We're creating a little community here. I know we're not a huge community, but it's still important - to me, anyway. I hope it is to some of you, too.
And more than that - I've figured out that you all are important to me. I've witnessed some things during this whole blog thing that gives me some real reassurances that the world will be ok. Not miraculous, but loving, and kind, and also very real. For instance: A week ago or whatever Jack was feeling a little down and posted about it. I've read him long enough to know something was off. His words moved me and I realized the guy's feeling depressed. Not that I "know" him, but I did care just the same. So I sent him a little e-love, which I hope helped a bit, and he had some other comments on that post - just little tidbits of vague support, nothing big. But I could see that people actually cared about this guy in Chicago that most of us don't know. His next post was much more cheerful. (Ok, well, sarcastic and hateful, but that's the Jack we all know and love.)
People that know me read me (gulp) and I've learned that I have to say what I'm going to say anyway. It's been good for me, and a relief to know that they actually like it. Sometimes they call me on shit (Virtigo) which is good. I've found people overseas, I've found people from back home (it's Kansas, all right? Kansas. Lame, but you can't help where your parents drag you to live). I've found people who keep me on my toes, humor-wise (Jack and Greg) and grammatically (coughcoughkrypto). I've gotten some plain old ego-boosting from flirting with a hottie (Cryptic). And I've watched how to be funny and kind and just plain sweet to your readers (Monkey). I figured I was past due for a little of that, so hense this post.
Anyway, I've connected with people that I never would have had the opportunity to meet. It's sort of a pumped-up, reassuring, happy, warm, electric feeling to communicate like this. It's just so... awesome. And I don't mean in the surfer-boy context. I mean, I'm in awe.
It's also a responsibility. Probably not a big one to some people, but one I take seriously. I was telling my friend the other day, "You know, I have to produce. People are dropping by, and they get that little vague hmmm feeling if there's nothing new. I know because I get it too when someone else blows off posting for very long." But I love the responsibility. I love coming up with shit to say. I love your comments, be they serious, scintillating, irritating or titillating. I love when you disagree, or when you flirt back, or tell me that my shit actually does stink, or whatever. I love all of it. Anyway, thanks. If you guys weren't dropping by I would've given this up a long time ago. I really do love it, and I love all you guys. I hope I provide a bit of joy to your day - as much joy as you guys give me - and I hope to continue to be worthy of your time.
Now, back to our regular programming...