this week sucks too, dammit

I suffered from a mommy-induced breakdown yesterday. Mommyhood has encroached upon me lately with a vengeance, sticking its measly fingers into every aspect of my life, switching what I want to do with what I need to do. I won't insult your intelligence by tempering this statement with a bunch of half-hearted platitudes like, "But I really enjoy being a mommy," and "My kids come first," because, frankly, that's bullshit. Most of being a mommy is like herding cats; snarly, obnoxious, rude little cats with their own agenda (as every self-respecting cat has) and then cleaning up the mess made in the process. Oh sure, they're cute and cuddly, and I love 'em to death - wouldn't have it any other way, really. But shit, lately I've been their be-otch (through no fault of their own), and it ain't fun.

Ordinarily my priorities go something like this: Me (translate: writing), PHF, the kids, and then whatever else needs doing. I think my priorities are in good order. If I don't write for a few days (like this week) I start pointless, nasty, lo-blow arguments with PHF (like yesterday). ( Sorry dear :/ ) No one understands my compulsion to write, and that's ok because I don't expect them to. It's a shame that it's there, but it's just a fact of life for me that I must write a bit everyday, and that each week must be punctuated by at least one hours-long, caffiene or alcohol induced jag of furtive creativity. Once I accepted that I literally will write my fingers numb and my shoulder into a cramp if I'm allowed, I became a much happier person.

I'm like the animal who chews its leg off to escape a trap; the story closes around me in a sort of trap of urgency until it gets OUT.

As for my other priorities; the close second is PHF. I chose him, after all, and he's mine. I've got a responsibility to put him ahead of all others - even vowed to it if that means anything. He was around long before the kids, and with any luck he'll be around long after. (Kinda like myself - with any luck I'll survive the madness.)

Then come the kids.

I don't think that they're third on the list is a detriment to them. After all, they've got a lifetime to be first for themselves and a significant other. But they're kids; second class citizens with fewer rights and a limited vocabulary. And I'm bigger than they are (albeit not by much) so they have to do like I say.

Yesterday afternoon, while stuggling mightily and without much success to express what the hell was wrong (I didn't cry though, dammit!) I never came up with the fact that I wasn't writing. It wasn't until last night, at the Dark Horse (Tuesday Night Tricycle Races! but that's another post entirely) one of my friends told me she'd written nearly two hundred pages in the last few weeks. She's been laid up, sick and there's nothing else to do, after all. And it hit me. What the hell have I done? I was pretty prolific on the blog last week (ie Music Post) but I've been avoiding my fiction. It's been festering under my skin though, and yesterday it broke out into a raging red rash. Time to get back to it.

After I get done buying all the shit for my kid's birthday parties (yes, parties; yes, she's only three; yes, I know she's over-indulged; we have a lot of friends so what-ev) buying the rest of her presents, laundry, working out, swimming lessons, volunteering at school, and packing for the lake, that is.

Ok, this blog has become so much about me that I'm frickin' bored as hell with it. Next time maybe I'll go for some social commentary and political analysis.

Or, I could always just post a sex scene.

16 comments:

Lunatic said...

You need some ass, grumpy grammy. Maybe if you weren't pickin' fights with the PHF he would break you off a little lovin'.

And please no political anything.

Lunatic said...

You need some ass, grumpy grammy. Maybe if you weren't pickin' fights with the PHF he would break you off a little lovin'.

And please no political anything.

Lunatic said...

You need some ass, grumpy grammy. Maybe if you weren't pickin' fights with the PHF he would break you off a little lovin'.

And please no political anything.

Lunatic said...

Why did that just post thrice? Your comments are fucked up, bee-otch.

Lunatic said...

I wonder what the record for most comments on one post is.

Lunatic said...

I want a Jack Spencer quote on my sidebar. Why don't you pick me one out Sex.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Ok, ok, I got it. Sheesh. I'm old, not deaf!

The make-up was done last night.

And we're very happy together again.

Nah, lack of sex is rarely my problem. Horny is easy to fix. Its the no writing that's a bitch.

You know Jack and Greg and I have a three-way going, dontcha. We go way back, we do. I'll watch for one though, and if one seems appropriate I'll start the reccommendation procedures.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Hmm, the comments worked fine for me.

Hey! I guess you got multiples, eh?

T Kwong said...

This is why I've sworn off children.

-Thomas

That Girl said...

"Nah, lack of sex is rarely my problem. Horny is easy to fix. Its the no writing that's a bitch."

Horny is hard to fix when you got a kid. This is where we differ. You've got a man to take care of the horny AND help with the kids. You should be in heaven. Hope you have an easier time with the writing soon...

Greg said...

"You know Jack and Greg and I have a three-way going, dontcha."

Although Jack is gonna break both his legs tomorrow so I don't think he'll be able to make it on Friday, as usual. So I guess its just me and you this time. He will be missed.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

you and jack need to play nice, greg. you know by now that there's enough of me to go around

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Tetitathomas -

the deepest rooted tree falls the hardest, or some bullshit like that. I love to see guys who've sworn off kids have them, they make the beeeest daddies...

TG - Yeah, I know. PHF is a good guy, way good. I don't mean to rub noses, I'm just sayin' what I feel...

That's why I'm sick of writing about me. I'm too damn lucky to get to complain much, and if I can't complain, what the fuck do I say about myself. Time to do a Dumbgasm report, I guess.

Inland, Dreaming said...

200 pages in a few weeks? I need to write 6 books just to keep up with you guys.

Keep up the writing, Sex, I'm looking forward to reading the series.

Jack said...

Cool. I'm a trend.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

jack, you're not a trend, you're fuckin' institution.

Inland - you can see the first and second books any time, either electronically or slightly-scribbled upon hard copies.