Fuck yogurt. I'm searching for the perfect yogurt and I'm convinced that it doesn't exist.
I am meant to eat yogurt. It is good for me. It has much calcium and nutrients which my diet lacks. Also, I am meant to eat more protein because I lift so much, and yogurt has some protein. Apparently the popcorn, chips, toast, cereal and beer aren't cutting it. Fuck protein. Protein is something you have to cook. And it takes up all your daily calories in something that's not cake or something else that's bad for your body and good for your mouth. I'm five feet tall. I don't get that many calories to burn, even with all the exercising. I sure as hell don't want to waste it on boring old baked chicken or something like that. Fuck that.
The yogurt I'm trying today 9right now in fact - i'm typing with one hand0 is banana creme. It is neither bananaey, nor creamy. And the chunks of bananas are cold and kind of hard. One thing in life I hate in life is cold bananas. They're disappointing somehow. They're tastless and cruchy. Bananas are meant to be firm with some give - temperate and not squishy; definitely not crunchy. I can only think of one analogy for the right banana so I'm gonna go ahead and venture it. The perfect banana is like a well-sexed cock, right at the point before I've touched it this go round. He's still got a bit of give to him, but not for long.
I suck at analogy, remember? Fuck analogies.
But I still need a minute.
I've been on strawberry and banana yogurt for a long time now. It's an old standby. But it's kinda tart. Strawberries aren't my thing. Actually, fruit, besides bananas, aren't really my bag at all. I wonder if there is a veggie yogurt? And don't even begin to recommend plain or vanilla. Ger-oss. That's what you give babies; not grown people with actual taste buds.
I'm getting over the strawberry and banana thing. First, they're everyone's favorite and hard to find at the store. Second, it's kinda tart.
Oh, I said that already. Apologies, yada yada. Well, shit, what do you expect? It's a post on yogurt, not world peace.
I think that's all I've got on yogurt for now.
Nope. Thought of something else. One bite of bad yogurt is a deal breaker. I had one once and yogurt spent a year trying to entice me back into its creamy embrace.
Ok, that's it. I'm done.
Jack-olote - thanks for the Monday Morning imagery. Yummalicious. And no, I'm not stealing your titling method - this one is actually a thinly veiled private joke between me and PHF. He came in here when I was typing this and laughed.
Jeez, it's probably bad form to flirt with a guy over the internet and mention your husband in the same paragraph, huh? The men in my life are so tolerant.
I ran for two of five minutes yesterday on the treadmill and I'm sore. Fuck running.