new years resolutions.... yeah, right.

Happy New Year, though what's happy about it I'm sure I don't know. I'm pretty deep into the far side of feeling like shit; I got about 4 hours sleep, and so far I've been paying bills and rectifying bank statements all goddamn day (Hmm, which do I hate worse -- doing stomach crunches or dealing with finances? Shit, that's a hard one), I made a half-assed attempt at assembling a Bionicle (thank you for the follow-through, PHF) and I fucking missed the first kiss of the year because I was in the bathroom waiting for all the club sluts to get off their cell phones and out of the fucking stalls. But, like someone pointed out, peeing my pants would have made it a memorable New Year's Eve, and not in a good way. As it was, I embarrassed myself in the other direction (goddamn cigarettes - I'm never smoking again, until, that is, I go out again) and I'm getting almost too groggy to type straight.

Yes, I'm in a foul mood indeed.

So, for the resolutions. Everybody's doing it, so I had to join in. I'm a follower at heart. It probably doesn't need saying that my resolutions may be the teensiest bit facetious.

In no particular order of importance:

1. I will pay my bills on time, AND do my bank statements the second they arrive in the mail. In fact, I will pay bills this very day, instead of laying on my backside and watching pointless tv and eating chips.
2. I will do two loads of laundry each day in an effort to keep "on top of it," and then fold the laundry and put it away instead of leaving it wadded in the basket for PHF to deal with. (Hey, two for the price of one.)
3. I will be the picture of patience with my children.(Oops, too late. Oh well, better luck next year.)
4. I will no longer pester PHF for sex and shamelessly flirt with him at inappropriate times. (That one should be good at least through tonight; I'm too weary for sex.)
5. I will consume beer and whiskey only on weekends and in moderate amounts.

Ok, I know you all have fallen off your chairs in peals of stomach-cramping laughter at the last one - especially those of you who actually know my face. I'll wait.

ok I'm boring you I'm warning you tonight is not the night for fights, lies white or otherwise... Listening to Eve 6 today... that Max can belt 'em out. And what cute curly red hair.

Sorry, the lyrics slipped through in a momentary hangover-induced lapse of judgement. I'll have better control on the morrow.

Ok, are we ready to continue?

6. I will not let the house fall down around me as I write my blog, fifth novel, and edit the two books that still need it.
7. I will pick up my clothes and undies and accessories off the closet floor each day. Since PHF and I share, it's only fair that I make some sort of path.
8. I will not drink what equates to a gallon of tea every day, get the jitters, and then settle my nerves with cookies and chips. (I'll settle 'em with beer, heh.)
9. I will no longer say, "Why are you in a bad mood?" to PHF, which puts him in a bad mood.
10. I'll be nice to the gawkers at the gym; even strike up a conversation if the opportunity comes up. That is, if anyone can give me an idea at what to say. I suck at small talk.

A few side notes:

Congrats to BB's wife, who took the leap and got a cool-ass dragon tattoo. You were the model of fortitude while he colored in the wings, and I enjoyed our talk at the pub(heh heh). I am currentlysporting a dragon tattoo on my own ankle - albeit temporary - because the kids and I were doing tattoos today and Our Wee Lass decided at the last minute she didn't want it after all. I'm not one to let a good tattoo go to waste.

Thanks to my Iranian friends whose house party we attended. We were having fun, but we had to get downtown. Hope you guys managed to not set anything else on fire.

Thanks to Speed Racer and your better half for the invite to the club, and to my other Iranian friend for sharing your table in the Lotus VIP lounge. Your peeps are great, your loft is awesome, and your couch is comfy. I apologise for any residue left on it from my nap at 2-2:30 am.

To the guy who groped my ass and had the audacity to grin at me afterward on the way back from the bathroom last night: I hope you enjoyed it because there ain't no ass on the south side of Hell, which is where I'll send you if we ever meet up again. You're a first class asshole.

And last but not least: a final goodbye my darling Sophie-cat, who we lost last September. It's miserable to cry without you. I'll miss you forever.


Anonymous said...

We set our feet on fire dancing from 10 till midnight and then ofcourse New Year kisses and our French guests...;)

sex scenes at starbucks said...

I forgot about the "French" factor at midnight. That must have been quite the lip orgy.