someone's bitch

I've always been one of those face-your-demons people. I used to have an unhealthy fear of amputation and paralysis. Then I worked at Quickie, a wheelchair company. I had a damaging experience in junior high. Then I taught there and found I love that age group. I was scared to death of needles. Then I got to give myself shots for 6 months. You get the idea.

Castile is facing a demon in SCAR. He was in prison for 7 years, from the age of 17 to 24. Yeah, he did deserve to go there. But to survive (in what is currently Folsom Field at CU) he had to do...things. Castile is not a large man. He's a decent fighter and he's got a lot of heart, but he was 17. A snotty kid who paid for lipping off in blood.  He had to submit to survive. He had to be someone's bitch. 

He's just now walking back into that prison. I had trouble figuring out what that would be like for him, until I remembered going back to junior high to teach. I was itinerant, meaning I went from school to school, from room to room. So I spent a deal of time out in the hallways with slamming lockers and looming 8th grade boys. (I stopped growing in 6th grade. Just as I caught up, everyone shot past me.) Once there, I found myself doing the same motions, protecting myself by holding my notebook over my chest, keeping my eyes down. I had to consciously remind myself that I was 24 and an adult, not 12 anymore. I had to make an effort to keep my head up.

So, too, it is with Castile. This is basically backstory coming to kick my ass. I like to think Cas made a conscious decision once he got out that he might have been a cowed bitch inside, but no more. Hence his bravado, his snotty comments, his tendency to play with fire in his dealings with Trinidad. I've written his entrance, but it's not enough, almost a place holder for "Castile goes back to prison." Something has to happen to him to show that he is not that person any more.

So, now to figure out what...