Looking up misspelling in the dictionary might just be the most ironic act ever.

no? probably not.

Things that have been annoying me lately:

1. Writers who depict their protags peeing and pooping in their stories. (Sorry for the baby talk, but I do have a four year old.) I've seen an abundance of bodily functions at the magazine lately. Here's a good rule to follow: unless they're peeing on somebody to show disrespect, or unless they are completely sick from the food on this new world at the other end of the portal they were just sucked through, let me enjoy my little fantasy that our Hero does not concern himself with the more mundane aspects of animal-hood. I mean, the last time you had a car accident, whilst telling the story did you mention that you went potty as soon as you go home? No. It was only news if you shat yourself, and even then I probably didn't want to know.

Your antag having bodily functions just lessens him in my estimation. Now I know he's gonna get his in the end. I think that's why people love vampires, they don't even bleed, much less poop. They're just so clean.

Just to note: hurling is fine and actually makes your Hero more endearing--he's perservering with a bad taste in his mouth. I can accept that. Hershey streaks, not so much.

2. Mommies who love their children more than their spouses. Ok, sure, love them more, that's fine. But don't act like it. I've been with mommies who make me feel like a fifth wheel when they're with their kids. Ick. I hearby announce that I unapologetically love my husband more than any other creature on earth. Truly. Sure, I'd throw myself off a mountain for my kids, but still, he's mine-all-mine. Face it now rather than later: your kids are going to grow up and leave you. If your husband does, it's probably cuz you turned him into a fifth wheel.

3. People who are scared of dogs. Perhaps I learned this lesson early in life from horsebackriding, but the rule is: Show no fear. It works in all sorts of situations, not just dogs. It works with obnoxious sales people, it works with that toothless guy hitting on you, it works with the Green Peace people down on the Mall, it works with stoic bartenders.

4. That I can't seem to hook up with Greg. Sheesh. I know you're working and partying and studying (hahahha, ok, maybe not studying) but turn up sometime, would ya?

5. The damn French. The French played better, but bad sportsmanship evened the odds. This morning I was listening to NPR and they were interviewing some French people at a cafe and the husband goes, "God, it's waaaay too early to listen to a French accent." We've known and know some great French people, but truly, it was too early to listen to them whine. (I do know of a great cottage in southern France especially for writers. Sorry, you gots to be a writer for the special rates. Inspiring type of place, if you don't drink too much wine.)


From the kiddos, who were sitting at the table tossing grapes into each other's mouths:

Seven: Thanks for the grape.
Four: You're a kookoo head, but you're welcome.

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