warning: may be triggery

This is something I've been thinking about for awhile now and disturbs me about my culture: we have a pervasive habit of blaming the victim. Some call it the "rape culture." I call it the Bully Culture.  It's bigger than girls being second class citizens. It's about anything "less than asshole male" being second class citizens. We see it in the workplace (God, constantly. How do people stand it??)  We see it in the media. We see it in the schools. We see it in our homes.

It comes off like this:

• To the robbery victim: You should have locked your car/home.
• To the bully victim: Did you tell them to stop and that you don't like it. Did you communicate clearly and effectively? or  Well, s/he's different/immature/flagrantly gay/bossy/anti-social.
• To the rape victim: You shouldn't have been drinking/wearing that/walking there.
• To the murder victim: You shouldn't have gone out with that person/done drugs/gone to that place/hung out with those people/lived in that neighborhood. 

Be honest with yourself, at least. You've heard of crimes where your first thought was that the victim did something stupid. Maybe you don't go so far as to say they deserved it, but their stupid act lessens the "crime" somehow. I've heard it from the MOTHERS of bully victims; hell, I've even said it. "We-ell, s/he needs to learn more social skills." 

Which of course is what rapist, robbing, bullying, raping psychopaths look for, it's what they have in common. Detecting weakness is probably the only thing successful criminals* are good at.

I'd put forth a bully is no better than a rapist or robber or murderer. (You can disagree, but you've obviously never seen the severe damage a bully can do to someone.) They all seek and detect weakness, and take advantage of it for their own entertainment. They're all cut from the same cloth.

My son was bullied to the extent of near constant bruising in 6th grade. Who was put into a support group? Him. Who was taught to communicate? Him. Who was given the responsibility of stopping it? HIM. Who won't be bullying anyone or raping a girl in High School? Him. Cuz, you know, he knows how to be a decent human being, unlike the perpetrators. He knew all along. And no, I have zero hope the bullies have matured or reformed. Once a bully, always a bully. I believe it's form of psychotic behavior, even if it's a mild one, that doesn't just "go away."

And the school had the audacity to act surprised when we chose to move him out of that school. Well, you know what? Fuck them. My kid isn't the fucked up one. It was THEM, the same assholes who will probably do inappropriate things to girls in high school if they haven't already. Look at the history of the kids in OH who raped that girl. Someone should question them. I'd lay hard cold cash down they've been bullies their whole lives. The only difference is their asses got caught. And yeah, maybe their lives are ruined. I sure as hell hope so. I hope they never get to have the future they thought they would. They don't deserve any less. At least it's two bullies off the street, right?

Problem is, we live in the Bully Culture. There are always more to take their place.





*successful defined as someone completing a crime whether they are punished or not.