Maybe too it's weird because I'm such a radically different person than I was 6 years ago when I started writing EXILE. The acknowledgments letter was a little like the obituary of that person, too. So much has changed. So much.
I have dead people in my acknowledgments. I have people listed who I spoke to nearly every day when I was writing EXILE and now go 6 months easy without it; and I have newer friends who are dear to me and others who ... aren't, anymore. (which doesn't mean they are any less important). I have old friends listed who went full circle from being friend to unfriend and back to friend.
Plus I have kids listed...family friends and my own. The differences of what I would say about them now and then are astounding. Six years ago I barely knew some of these kids. They were auxiliary creatures whose sense of humor consisted of saying things wrong. Now some of them have a better sense of humor than adults I know. I even got to include the newest member of my family, a baby who will be 8 mos old when the book comes out.
The only constant was what I said about my husband (No. You have to wait.) and the quote at the start of the book:
Terror is our only enemy.We defeat it by dying.Brînian proverb
Everything in between after those words seemed... in flux somehow. In motion. Dynamic. Until I wrote the acknowledgements.That seemed to set it all in stone. Which I think is a good thing. I suppose I'll find out.
*Message? What fucking message? I wish I knew. It's there; I just can't articulate it. Well, I can. I did. In 104,000 words. Le sigh.