I stumbled upon this on my Saturday morning internet rambly.

You know, it's kind of reassuring. I've never felt I fit in anywhere. I'm a Poser of the Third Kind. I had few friends in school, endured a deal of bullying cuz I was homely and awkward.  Now I go to parties and bars and get picked up by hot guys. (and I'm always WTF??) I have lots and lots of writing friends but I can't help but feel wary, as if I'll do something to fuck it all up. I have conversations with muggles but I always feel as if I'm missing something. They don't believe I was ever or am a geek. (Until I open my mouth. Then most of them back away slowly, wondering what the in hell I am.)  When I'm with geeks I don't feel qualified to open my mouth at all, though I sometimes do (and cringe later). They're all just so much more deliciously, fabulously geeky than me.

 I love SF and Fantasy. I was raised up on LOTR, Narnia, the Society for Creative Anachronism, and Star Wars. I come from a family of muggles who, bless them, took me to see Star Wars 17 times when I was ten while surely wondering WTF??! behind my back rather than to my face. They were nice that way; hiding their confusion from me. I made it easy by having little social awareness. Still, there was no one to really relate to regarding my geeky Loves. No one to push new stuff on me. So I was a mainstreamed geek. Sigh.

Geeking for me kind of ended once I hit college. I tried to fit into muggledom, for a long time, after that, only to realize it pulled me away from my tribe for so long I can never catch up. Besides, my geek tribe makes me happy.

But man, I got no street cred anywhere with anyone.

But apparently, according to Scalzi, I don't need it. :-)

1 comment:

ThinkBannedThoughts said...

I'm sure I come off as one of the loathed "cosplayers" (I had to google that, for the record.)
But the truth is, I geek out in all kinds of directions - books, science, sci-fi, fantasy, etc. and I enjoy having the chance to let my little inner geek come out to play at cons. The costumes
are my super-power, allowing me to be outgoing when I'd really like to just hide in my hotel room, or in the bottle of whiskey at the bar...