blood and sand and...um. yeah.

I watched the first Spartacus: Blood and Sand.

Um. Yeah.

I particularly loathed the battle scenes, which looked like something from a poorly done comic self published by a thirteen year old. In the penultimate scene, when Spartacus (don't remember his real name; don't care) kills the fifth guy in the arena, leaving him standing when he should have died a horrible and humiliating death, the blood oh my! the blood. It washes across the background, behind Spartacus. And it's bright red, like paint in Kindergarten. If I see blood on the screen I want it to be deep, sickening. I want to freakin' smell it, not be grateful that it seems to be water soluble. And blood splashing the camera lens? Least. Favorite. Trick. Ever. It just looks...sloppy. Not gross at all.

I think they were going for arty. They achieved stupid.

Also, the Romans are the most interesting people on screen, and that's not saying much. Think a Roman senator, any Roman senator. Got it? A little effeminate, syncophatic smile when the camera is on him, snide comments out of the corner of his mouth, and holding onto his red sash like it might fall off his shoulder, cuz it probably will if he doesn't hold onto it.

Spartacus is pretty hot, but why he has messy hair when his wife's is combed smooth...are they barbarians or aren't they? And I'm sorry. Barbarians didn't love each other, not in the sense we do. Not... like something out of TWILIGHT for crissake.

Someone in editing sold their soul in order to earn the right to use that much slo-mo. Clue? Your battle scenes suck. Strikes and blood flying in slo-mo just makes it nearly unbearable.

Don't even get me started on the story. Oh, I get it. The first one was all set-up. But that's no excuse for bad story!! Grrrrr.

Even so, I'll give the second one the old college try. If it doesn't improve at all, the discs are going back to Netflix.