What people are saying about QUENCHED so far:
Don't you wanna read it? Woudn't it be even more fun to read it for free??? Good Idea! Lets have a
!!CONTEST!!
Since my alter-ego Ainsley writes inappropriate books, and my writing partner for QUENCHED, EC Stacy, is a stand-up comedian by night, I thought I'd go with inappropriate jokes.
Enter your joke in the thread here at Sex Scenes or at Ainsley's Facebook Fanpage. The one that tickles my funnybone the most wins a copy of QUENCHED and my undying admiration. Plus, won't it be fun to have some new inappropriate jokes for the holiday season? Nothing says Christmas like "Santa and Satan walk into a bar..."
*************Rules***************
1. Contest ends Wednesday, December 8 at midnight, mountain standard time.
2. Inappropriate means Adult Ears Only. I can't be responsible for what other people say, so you young 'uns, keep off my lawn!
3. That said, we like inappropriate. The field is wide open, from sexual to just violent or adult. BUT it doesn't mean insulting. No racial jokes or gay jokes, etc.
4. We reserve the right to eliminate jokes from the contest, and the threads that We deem insulting.
5. We shall be the only judge of the contest and the only judge shall be Us.*
6. No whining.
7. QUENCHED is an eBook available in many formats, soon Kindle as well (though I'm told it can be easily formatted and downloaded to Kindle from my publisher's site). I'm NOT printing the book out for you and snail-mailing it, so.
8. Post the joke here on this post's thread, or on Ainsley's Facebook Fan page. Ainsley is lonely on Facebook and needs some more likers. :)
9. I'll announce the winner next week. Can't win if you don't play!!
10. Future Possible Rules
*the royal We, of course, meaning me
**Coffee Time Romance
10 comments:
So a child predator is at the city park and meets this very cute boy who turns him on. The predator looks around to see if the boy's parents are around, but they aren't. So he goes up to the boy, and asks him if he'd like to go for a walk together. The boy agrees, and the predator leads them into the vacant woods.
They walk together for quite some time and the sun starts to go down. It's getting dark, and the little boy gets worried he may not be able to find his way home. Then, dark clouds roll in, and lightning and thunder starts. The boy gets even more scared, and now the predator is starting to get freaked out by the trees and the lightning in the dark. The forest becomes more and more ominous, but the two trudge deeper and deeper into the forest together. A spooky mist rolls in and they both realize they're totally lost now.
Finally, the boy stops and says to the predator, "Mister, this place is really creepy. I'm scared."
And the predator replies, "Oh you're scared? I gotta walk outta here alone!"
OH! I remembered one! Jokes are difficult for people with flighty brains...we remember the punchline but not the joke or the set-up but not the punchline. Okay, here you go:
What's the square root of 69?
Ate something.
The joke is way too long to tell, but the punch line is...
"I stuck my thumb up the ass of the biggest Bengal tiger you've ever seen."
B^)
Santa got a BJ...And the Bear box set for Christmas.
What's worse than eating out your grandma?
Bumping your head on the coffin lid.
(bada boom!)
A trout in the lake looks up and sees a fly. He says "if only that fly would drop six inches then I could get him."
A bear on the shore sees the trout looking up at the fly. The bear says "if only that fly would drop six inches then the trout could get him and I could get the trout."
A hunter on the ridge sees the bear looking at the trout looking at the fly. He says "if only that fly would drop six inches then the trout could get the fly, the bear could get the trout, and I could shoot the bear."
There are some crackers in the hunter's pocket and a mouse behind the hunter. The mouse says "if only that fly would drop six inches, then the trout could get him, the bear could get the trout, the hunter could shoot the bear, the crackers could fall out of the hunter's pocket, and I could get the crackers."
Behind the mouse there's a tree. Up in the tree there's a cat. The cat says "If only that fly could drop six inches, then the trout could get him, the bear could get the trout, the hunter could shoot the bear, the crackers could fall out of the hunter's pocket, the mouse could get the crackers, and I could get the mouse."
All of sudden the scenario takes place. The fly drops six inches, the trout gets the fly, the bear gets the trout, the hunter shoots the bear, the crackers fall out of the hunter's pocket, the mouse gets the crackers, the cat leaps for the mouse.....annnnnnnnnnd misses and hits the water.
The moral of the story is everytime the fly drops six inches the pussy gets wet.
I saw Mommy blowing Santa Clause...a kiss as he took off in his sleigh.
Whoops, I didn't think to ask if you were okay with double entries. Seems it would be alright as it should be more enjoyment for you.
Where do all the female reindeer go on Christmas Eve when the males are out pulling Santa's Sleigh?
They go into town to blow a few bucks!
BHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Claire
Where do all the female reindeer go on Christmas Eve when the males are out pulling Santa's Sleigh?
They go into town to blow a few bucks!
BHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Claire
So Mr. Smith went to the hospital for surgery. After he signed in, the nurse sent him to Prep Room A to remove his clothes and put on the hospital robe.
The nurse comes in takes his temperature and checks his blood pressure. After she puts the blood pressure cuff away, she pushes his robe up and starts sucking his dick.
He's stunned, but hey--she's pretty and it feels great, so he goes along with it and enjoys the ride.
After he comes and she cleans up, he says, "Hey, I'm not complaining, but what was that?"
She fixes her hair and says, "Studies show that an orgasm before surgery speeds healing by 50%."
He grins. "Cool."
She puts him in a wheelchair and takes him to the surgery room. Halfway down the hall, they pass a Prep Room C, where ten guys are sitting in a row and jacking off.
Mr. Smith points. "What's that all about?"
"You don't need to worry about that, Mr. Smith. You're covered by Blue Cross/Blue Shield."
Post a Comment