rough try out

Inspired by some TV and films I've seen lately, and thinking hard on what I love about characters and stories, as well as what's popular today, I jotted up a new start to my SENTINEL series. This one's different: Aidan's would be in first person, I think, and Kaelin's in 3rd.  It's present tense.

I did some things: growed them up, for one thing, and made them rougher. They don't have the money anymore either.  I'd love to know what you think.

I hear muffled moaning through the cheap door, one of those hollow post-70s jobs with a button lock you can open with a paperclip. My brother and his chick de jour ignores my knock.
Kaelin, I telepath.
"Go away." Kae sounds kind of choked, like he's right in the middle of something. Can't imagine what.
Let me in, I 'path.
Kinda busy here
It's important. Business.
Seven hells, Aidan. Just go away.
I'm thinking happy thoughts her way, I tell him, She's going to start wondering why you think her ass is so big. She's going to be all sad when she realizes you think she's sloppy seconds.  Puts a girl right out of the mood--
Five minutes. All I need.  Five, he 'paths back, something he'd never admit out loud. 
I bang on the door with the side of my fist again and wish for a Jack and Coke. I could still taste my last three on my tongue.  Should have brought one for the road when I found out.
Something crashes to the ground inside and Kae curses and stumbles his way to the door. He means to crack it but I shove through.
Kae doesn't bother with the hands in front of the crotch action.  All I have to do to see his package is look in the mirror, after all, since we're twins.  The girl, who does not have a fat ass, yanks her covers up to her chin.
Kae slams me against the wall and jams his fist in my stomach, making me cough. I shove back, but Kaelin holds me still and snarls at me, letting his inner demon show. Even in the dim light, I can see his white eyelashes against his tanned skin. Little lines edge his eyes and his mouth.  For twenty-three, he's looking old. 
For a demi-demon, he's looking as old as he's ever going to look.
I lift my chin at the girl.  "Heyya, darling.

Can I borrow my bro?"
She sits up, spilling all kinds of awesome out of the sheet, and looks at us. 
"If you promise to come back," she says.  "Both of you."
What she's thinking…I'm game even if Kaelin isn't.But I can't summon a grin because we can't come back.  We're going to be busy finding the demon who killed our dad.

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