embrace your inner different

That's what this was supposed to be about. Embrace your inner different. I guess that's a post for another day.

I've spent most of this week alone, hours in my office immersed in SCAR. OK, immersed is a strong word. But I'm on the job for about 5-6 hours a day - what I can manage amid posting here, FB, reading rejections, training, meetings, kid stuff, etc.

I don't even want to go out to dinner. I prefer to stay here, alone, digging deeper into my book and thinking over other projects. I'm being different than the other mommies who are going to school (mine's on Friday) , to the day job, making costumes for the school play, and so on. Thing is, I like my own company best. Other people are on my nerves at the moment. The real ones, that is.

The house is starting to deteriorate. Dirty counters and laundry stacked on the washing machine. There's a full-on Star Wars battle staged in my living room right now. The dog gets plenty of snacks, but her meals are constantly late.

This is me, creative. Oh, I take breaks. For other creative activities. Yesterday I cut up one t-shirt to decorate another. And my reward this weekend is going out to antique stores and scavenging some junk to make robots.

Thing is, I'm not particularly inspired. I'm plugging away at things, thinking, absorbed, but still, Uninspired. My mind keeps fleeing to old stories, which tells me I'm in the thick of it now with SCAR with previous baubles beckoning. Sheesh. I suck. I like the essence of what I'm doing, but I'm hating the actual work, the actual typing, the little cricking noises my laptop makes, my slow progress, and my irritation that I can't speed a long and Get Shit Done. I love the process, but the fucking goal is in the way. Writing isn't drawing blood, it's sucking out my very soul. Just sitting my ass down is a chore.

I feel worn, stretched.

I feel like a failure.

You ever get like this? What do you do about it? Walk your dog? Put the book down for a few days (as if my inner-OCD would allow that)? Write a short story or something else?

Got any advice for a worn-out writer?

No comments: