more on internal narrative

Or, what kind of internal narrative do YOU hate? (See comments on prior post.)

Stephen had brought up an intriguing point awhile ago about internal narrative. It's most interesting when it contrasts what the narrator is saying and doing.

I think you could take it a step further, though. What if it contrasts not only what the author says and does, but what the reader knows about that character up to that point? For instance, Trinidad is gay. This really doesn't come up until about chapter four when he's had a moment to catch his breath and notice how friggin' hot Castile is. Surprise No. 1. And not only that, but Trinidad loathed Castile a couple of chapters ago; now he's gotten a chance to take true measure of the man. So when things get electric between them, Trinidad has a few thoughts about it. But I made a point of inserting it at that point because it totally contrasts what's gone before and that attraction signifies a major source of confusion and conflict for Trinidad.

And, of course, like all respectable love stories, he wants to keep it secret from the object of his desires.That's makes it a good place for internal narrative, I think. Who else is he going to tell?

But I just can't stand peppering internal narrative into every other exchange and action. Some folks do it really well, but not me.