an inconvenient belief

I find writing disbelief in the face of truth difficult. At those times, when my protag disbelieves something I know to be true, I have the most difficult time suspending my omniscience and getting into the head of my character. I always tend to distract my character with some other immediate concern, like in this passage from THE SILVER SCAR.

“It’s a trick,” Trinidad said.

Castile turned. “It’s not, and you know it. To what end would I inlay my own wound with silver sand to prove a false point?”

Trinidad shrugged as Castile pulled his shirt down over his head. “I wouldn’t know.” But anxiety began to creep through his ribs, spreading outward toward his limbs. The most fantastical claim he’d ever heard, if he ignored the notion of God Himself, and he could not begin to guess why the Wiccan would fabricate such a lie. He looked at Father Paul, but the priest sat back down heavily and bowed over, elbows on knees, his hand stroking his beard. Deep lines around his eyes etched his disquiet.

“Are you all right, Father?” Castile asked.

Trinidad felt something jump inside himself. He should have been the one to ask. He knelt next to the old Priest’s side and looked into his face.

I think it's a common issue in fiction because inconvenient or dangerous truths are a staple in upturning our characters' lives. In SENTINEL, Aidan disbelieves his own powers because it frightens him so much. Kaelin is more easily won over; such power provides more control, and Kaelin is all about control.

Trinidad battles the deterioration of his own faith: shaken by what his Church asks him to do and further unraveling at the sight of the man he will someday love. Doubtless, by the end of the second chapter, Trinidad will believe. He's going to see the evidence for himself. But he could as easily believe it's a trick of hallucinagen or hypnosis. I think he may cling to this new truth as some sort of proof of God. So this is a tricky thing: his belief is real, but it rests on a foundation of doubt. That makes his belief highly susceptible to failure, or at least a conduit into his own carefully constructed lies.

Hmm. I think I'm getting confused.

And I thought making up legitimate antagonists was difficult.

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