Let me start by saying, please keep reading my blog, even you poor saps who just cruise by under the Google guise of "boobs, sex, rock my world". Leave me inappropriate comments in my comment box. Jack off to your imagined version of me. Laugh at me behind my back. Whatever.
However, to to all you weirdos... (oops. Did I say that out loud?) dear, dear readers, I meant to say, who are IMing me, here's the question you must ask yourself before clicking on ssss6xxxx:
Do I know you?
(Yeah, it's multiple choice. I was a test writer in a former life.):
e. want me to
To which category do you belong? a.? Good! Happy to chat. I'm up at all hours anyway.
b., c., d., or e.? Don't.
See, I'm not "friendly?". I don't "wanna fuck?" or "see you naked?". I'm not looking for "some loving on the side?", or even "sex?", or even, god forbid "a threesome" (not with you, anyway--that's what the Twins are for). Ok, yeah, it did snow the other day in Boulder, and whoever you are, you almost got a response just cuz you did me the favor of small talk before launching into your pitch for pathetic chat sex. But I'm not "interested in an online fling?".
Thanks, but no. I'm good. Got all the sex I can handle, and a list of admirers as long as your arm. Get in line if you must, but it's gonna be a long wait.
**Exception: Writers may email me at the magazine. I'll get it. We don't hold each other's mail out of spite... yet.