little boxes on the hillside

I expect only a few of you will get that title. So be it. I'm too hungover to explain.

I'm feeling very homogenous today. We are so much more alike than different and it's terribly sad. We do all these things to set ourselves apart and we aren't apart at all. In fact, as nice as my home is--and it's shockingly nice--I sleep separated from my neighbor by twelve inches of wall and about twenty feet. Of course, we've all been in bed together since the beginning; the planet is one giant kids' playroom, right? With Pottery Barn armoires and giant flying toys from the latest Batman movie and plastic guns from Walmart and cries of "I get the top bunk!", our bedroom is stormy pretty often even when the roof hasn't been blown off by a hurricane bomb.

BB and I had an interesting convo last night about spirituality and life. To paraphrase, he bases his beliefs in "the path of least resistance." It makes a sad sort of sense. I mean, you can spend centuries learning how life began, and no doubt it was a complicated scientific procedure, or you can accept that there's a God and have done with it, thus freeing yourself to explore other things. Because let's face it, our brains are finite. The potential might be infinite, but our time here is limited.

"So what if we're an ant farm?" BB told me. "I can accept that."

[Editor's note: Sex makes BB sound as if he's too lazy or dumb to question. I believe what she meant to say, if I may take the liberty, is that often the simple explanation is the more plausible. God, she can be an idiot sometimes, yes?]

Knowing doesn't change anything. However our existence here is proven, be it ID or Cosmic Accident, our lives will plod along in pretty well the same manner they always have, all of us pathetically differentiating ourselves with petty symbols, imagined personality quirks, and big-ass guns. Except, even when we rejoice in the collective conscience--going to church and work and school and the mall--we still feel some sort of vague dissatisfaction even though we know everything's all right. Cuz us ants were cursed with brains and hearts, just to make things a little more interesting.

I go to the lake tomorrow. Perhaps the answers swim in those cold depths, like they do for my characters at the end of their saga. I can only hope.

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