ok, so it wasn't so bad as all that...

Ok, here’s my rant, one of about a million which will appear as soon as Blogger gets its fucking act together because:

Down for Maintenance
Blogger is temporarily unavailable due to planned maintenance.
This downtime will last half an hour from 4pm - 4:30pm (PST).

Since it’s scheduled, did ya ever think of letting all of your five gazillion customers in on that ahead of time? I know, I know, I KNOW; you get what you pay for. And I’m sure “scheduled” was just thrown in there by those marketing fucks to make it sound valid. (You know, every company, even one with a FREE service, has too many marketing fucks running around telling you what to say.)

And by the way, if my ridiculously expensive, impact-resistant, waterproof-to-200-meters diving watch can be trusted, you’re LATE.

But the real problem is that Thursday is Club Night in Pajamaland: the night all us losers get online and chat in each others’ commentboxes and tease and flirt and perhaps have a few drinks because what the hell it’s already Thursday. The weekends are for RL; 3D living. Blogger dries up on the weekends. So, how about scheduling your maintenance for the wee hours of, say, Sunday? Just a suggestion.

And while I’m bitching, Word has some fucking catching up to do. Blogger is a fucking proper noun, Microsoft. I know, I know, Google threatens your creepy ass self into thinking that you might not actually run the world, much less the Internet; but guess what?? Google is a fucking word, too! And so is commentbox. And commentboxes. And Pajamaland.

Fucking Microsoft bastards.

Oh, I see you include Microsoft in your little e-dictionary, but not microsoft. Assholes.

I can’t believe that there’s nothing on the thesaurus for Microsoft. I could think of a few.

Soul deprived devilspawn. (Devilspawn is TOO a word!)
Rich-assholes-who-are-trying-to-take-over-the-world.
Fugly-guys-who-only-get-laid-because-of-the-money (yes, Bill Gates, I mean you!)

Fuck you three ways, corporate computer geeks; one and all. (And not the cool ways either.) Hello?? Open Source?? Can any of you guys look up from your D&D boards long enough to write us poor losers a new blog tool??

Please? We’ll flirt. We’ll pretend like you’re clever.

Hmph. I’m going to go read a book. No more e-media for me tonight, Goddammit. (To be clear, goddammit should be capitalized if you wish to avoid the Squiggly Line of Condemnation.)

Ok, or maybe I’ll watch Troy.

Troy. Ahhhh....

Let’s all take a moment to think about the near-frontal-nudity that is Brad Pitt in Troy.

On that happier note, though unrelated to Brad Pitt [() to you Brad!!] Oasis is now my favorite band. Not because of their music (which is pretty damn awesome), but because it was hands-down, unequivocally the easiest CD I have ever opened. It practically fell open in my fingers. It was like, “Play me, play me! Here, let me strip for you!” It was like my () is gonna be tonight. It was like freakin’ butter, man.

I could go on to bitch about how Oasis and Jet are playing Red Rocks at the end of September and I REALLY want to go except that we’ve been at Red Rocks at the end of September – REM, last year - and there is not enough alcohol in Colorado to numb the icy extremities, and Michael Stipe had to wear this dorky (dorky is so a word! It is! Dic.com says!) cap on his bald head – the kind like paperboys wore in the old days - (because he’s from Atlanta where it’s warm all the time; except, really, when you consider all the traveling and drugs and multi-gender sex he really should have no sensation left in his body whatsoever) and PHF, who was driving, didn’t drink nearly enough to ignore the cold, and he thought that was the worst time he’s ever seen REM anyway; (it was, but we’ve been close, row 5 back in the day, teensy venue, Michael's spittle landed on my cheek... See? Old age has its benefits.) so he said NO to the Oasis/Jet show because the new rule is “No Red Rocks after August.”

How’d I do, Krypto?? You seem to have a bit of time on your hands, what with the lack of sex and the lack of posting.

Ok, that was too far. Apologies. I wuv you, Krypto, you know I do.

When I just tried to post this I got:

Down for Maintenance
Blogger is temporarily unavailable due to planned maintenance.
This downtime will last three hours from 4pm - 7pm (PST).

Fuck me. Fuck me raw right now.