dumbgasm will not die

Let me share a freaky secret about Dumbgasm:

He's a geek.

Ok, so that's not the secret.

I don't get him though, honestly. Not cute, in the kindest stretch of the word. Baaaad hair. Not that great a writer. NOT an exciting life (ok, except he's in FL laying out on the beach and I'm at home with sick kids), doesn't drink alcohol (going so far as to use the word teetotaller), is a good Christian boy, loves his momma, lives in a garage... the list goes on (which to steal from Jason Mulgrew, means that I'm too lazy to keep typing it). And yeah, I know, still haven't gotten to the secret. But you're still reading, aren't you?

The freaky secret thing is he is surrounded by apparently semi-to-rather cool friends.

Folks comment on his blog. They say nice things. The pictures of his friends, of which there are many, show varying groups of fairly attractive, pretty cool, joe-blow college kids. The chicks aren't fat. They're cute. The guys are pretty hip looking, and not all that fat either since they apparently don't drink beer.

And along with a secret; a confession:

I underplayed Trent's attractiveness.

*hangs head* (heh, I hate that shit, don't you?)

Trent is actually pretty hot. Trent is built. Trent looks like he is funny and entertaining and can laugh at himself. Trent must be gay because he's too cute to be straight. The other guys are okay, not trolls or anything, and the girl with them in FL is pretty cute.

So why do they hang with him? In my experience, cute is as cute does. In other words, gay or not, hot hangs with hot. Not hangs with not. (Oh Christ, another poem. I simply LOATHE the springtime.)

Well, this is my theory: Goddamn if I mightn't have just found the last genu-I-ne nice guy on the planet, much less in Blogland (feel free to take that personally - you know who you are :p). Despite his looks, or maybe because of them; to all outward appearances he's completely confident and at ease with who he is.

And that is a rare gift, friends. Rare, indeed.

Simply put, I'm utterly facinated by this character. For awhile I've made fun of him. Now that my secret is out, I'm going to study him further. I may or may not post it on my blog, and the posts may or may not be mocking, as my mood dictates; but I'll try to post a warning in the title so you may skip town as soon as you see it.

And I'm still not inflicting all of you on him. Sorry. Find your own blog to make fun of. (Please make it be mine... please??)


That Girl said...

Sex, when you fall in love with him (as you're stalking him already - ha!) will you comment on his posts? Will you give him words of support and encouragement and possibly consider probing (yes, probing) what his sexual preference is by making comments filled with dirty talk? THEN, and ONLY THEN, once you've made your way into his world, will you PLEASE introduce him to us in case we want to just "watch" (and point)???

No really, what would he think of us? On the surface he'd think we're a bunch of pervs.

Oh. We are. Nevermind. But you know what I'm getting at.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

I am stalking him... haha. But you put yourself out there and that's what happens. I get ten folks commenting and 90 hits a day - it can't be all people who are just checking back to see if I repsonded to their comments. So I've got stalkers too!

It's only fair that I've got a vic of my own, because I've commented on everyone I read, except for him.

As for the comments, they'd have to be anon because if he ever read the archives that could be bad.

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Sooooooo, when will you let your stalkee know that you exist and that you have a really bad crush on him and would love to be one of his "cute" girlfriends?

We will start making fun of you and your blog asap. What would you like your secret code name to be?


sex scenes at starbucks said...

There's no crush.

Seriously. You'd have to see him to realize how laughable the idea really is.

However, he'd make a great character in a story...

Inland, Dreaming said...

I would make fun of your blog, but I can't. Honestly, it's too fun to read.

But I do feel that I should challenge you sometime on the poetry thing. Obviously you have not been to any poetry slams. I think you need a good dose of Def Jam.

Greg said...

Sex, this is how characters for good fiction reading start. A homosexual boy with absolutely nothing going for him learns to love himself. A true existential journey.

I understand your fascination.

I'm starting to like this guy, but keep on ragging on him, i'm not that compassionate.