help, save us, bloghop girl!

Before Greg dies of embarrassment and everyone catches the flu from me, I'm embarking on a bloghop. This blog needs to lighten up! Besides I need a distraction from my pounding head.

Here's what I found:

A republican conservative from Texas who lists Holy Bible as his favorite book, calls Liberals "libs", and looks like a smarmy, pig-eyed, real estate lech in his blue suit and red tie. Uh, guy, I think that look is taken.

Wow. Even the Germans take stupid pictures of themselves on vacation. Look! My teenaged son in an orange life-jacket. He looks thrilled to be there!

"Get your Democratic Blue Truth Wristband today!" Good god, another fucking wristband? And blue is taken, btw. (By the Save the Anarchist Penguins Fund.)

Look at all this ugly shit I sewed and made my husband model for pictures to post on my blog. Yea! Oh, and here are our miniature schnausers, Lulubelle and Kookooclock. Fuck me, your life is boring and your husband is ugly.

Ok, this is funny. An aussie's blog with a link to the story about twelve American nuns who go on a twelve day alcohol induced shagfest (her words not mine - brilliant, really.) Guess the priest just wasn't doing it for them anymore.

Canadian political discussions? They got politics up there? Huh.

Here's some pix of my so-cute-she's-ugly baby. There was a special on photos at Sears!

This chick calls herself Wind. Wind. There's so, so much material to work with... processing, processng...system overload... lock up and crash. Help!!! Controlaltdelete me, quick!

Ad.

Ad!

Oh, fucking come on, another goddamned ad!! I'm about to give up.

This one's right after Jack's (yes, I took a break to read about how he hates my blog now)... She describes herself as "insane about knitting" and "in danger of becoming bored." Think there's a connection there?

A post entitled, "I should post more often."
uh, no you shouldn't.

(Some of these are sounding like repeats to me. Anybody want to check my archives and see?)

An entire blog about this guy working out and the trials and tribulations of this and that gym and this and that trainer. He complains that someone made up a blog just to mock him. Damn! Someone beat me to the punch. And, I can't resist, though it may incriminate me, he calls himself "Tight Package."

Jeez, it took me a whole ten blogs to get to any poetry, but there it fucking is, as always...

And now here it is in Portuguese. Ho hum.

Oooo goody, another Australian boytoy. Cuuute. Young. Sassy Australian accent... eh, no. He's engaged to "Stace." Stace is the fucking air and moon and shit. Moving on...

Ok, another monkey, and this one is goddamned hilarious (as we've come to expect from you monkey-types). I won't inflict all of you on him but I left him a comment and if he chooses to drop by then you, too, can witness the wonder. Jack, you will love this guy.

This guy had a panic attack while talking to his shrink about Panic Attack Self Help Books (his capitalization, not mine). I can't figure out whether it's a joke or not.

Ok, this one's pretty funny, about how he got "McGipped" at McDs. (Cold fries, no straw). He doesn't eat there often though because of "Super Size Me". Fuck, if one more brilliant, self-satisfied, overweight asshole tells me to see that movie, you'll never eat at McDonalds again I'm going to scream at the first opportune embarrassing (for them) moment, "I want to be fat and die young so just shut the fuck up and give me your fries, bastard!"

Looks like Farsi or something.

Looks like Japanese or something.

Definitely Spanish. Wtf? Have I entered the English Speakers Not Allowed Blogger Zone? Hey, whitey! Back of the blog-bus for you. I wouldn't put e-segregation past those Blogger engineers. Now that the new comment thingy is up and running (ok, well, mostly) they probably have nothing else to do but play with their broken foosballs.

My toilet won't quit flushing. It's been flushing for two days straight now. Why the fuck are you posting about this when you should be on the horn trying to find a plumber? That'd be like, like if I ran down between puke sessions and typed "Got Flu" and...

Oh.

Heh (Editor's note: what follows is a lame attempt at distraction.) He goes on to say that he drank too much and had to puke into the swirling vortex and that he forgot to wear deoderant today. Jesus T. Christ, buddy, you're fucking mess. I don't want any part of it.

Another knitter with a dog named Bootsy. It's all pix, even a picture of a fucking photograph on a table. Oh, and there are her valentine's roses, saved on the internet for all posterity. Faaaacinating. No mention of Steak and Blowjob day on her husband's linked blog.

French. Huh. That's a switch. I though the Gauls were too cool to blog. French looks too beautiful in print, doesn't it? It's probably an ad for hair implants or old man stiffies or something.

Valintines Day is one of the speacil days of the year to Americans. Vanlintines Day happens on the 14th of Febuary each year. On Vanlintins Day we show people how much we love them. Some people don't like this holiday much if at all. Nice of you to notice, Linds. Oh, and by the way, it's a blog, not your 100-word-minimum Language Arts essay on Valentine's Day.

A totally gay guy moaning over Brad and Jen. Dude, it's over. And, by the way, you're gay. Oh, he mentions his boyfriend Drew. They're moving in together. He actually knows he's gay. How refreshing.

Babes on the Net. Shit, guys! This is a family blog here! You know, someone tells you that there's pornography on the Internet, but somehow you just don't really believe it until some chic's legs are... well, you probably wouldn't want to hear about it.

Sometimes I find myself in a place, like in a dream. I feel like I’m looking at myself from the outside, wondering where I am and what I’m doing. It’s like watching a movie but this movie is about me. And a boring fucking movie it is, too. Rated G because someone said "heck."

A picture of a poor dog and the caption says Love. This. Dog. Is this more porn, or what? I don't get it.

Strippeklubb. I wish I could read this language, don't you?

"Who Else Wants To Share Their Secrets of Making Soap and Running A Thriving Soap Making Business?" If you answered "Yes!" then let's show each other how to Save Time and Save Money. Even if Soap Making is just your hobby and you never intend to sell a single soap, this blog may save you countless frustrating hours and a ton of money in the long run. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Oh my god, the blog of a CEO for a PR business. He writes: As the blogging phenomena takes off it's great to see all the tech players salivate as they imagine a vast new piece of Internet real estate being built. Where the hell have you been, buddy? And it's phenomenon for singular usage, asswipe. How he ever got to be a CEO, we'll never know. Funny enough, we don't care, either.

I need a nap. Blog you freaks tomorrow.

6 comments:

That Girl said...

I visit the toilet guys site! He's actually funny! I'm not going to link him in case he doesn't want to be, but he's got a really funky kind of toilet with no tank. The whole blog's not about toilets though, so that's good. Ha! funny you found it!

Greg said...

I wonder if anybody has bloghopped my site and wrote viciously about it. I'll shank them.

You've never mentioned this, but have you yet to find someone out there who's actually good during one of your bloghops?

Linds said...

I had to doubletake when I read the "Linds" thing on there, but then I realized, "Hey. I can spell, and I sure as hell didn't write that shit."

As always, you're entertaining. However, I'm glad you've let up on the waterbed boi.

Cheers.

Jack said...

"yes, I took a break to read about how he hates my blog now"

You always have a knack for redeeming yourself.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

TG - he was actually pretty funny, but my contract requires me to mock them all equally.

Greg - Yeah, you!
Heh, I don't even know which of us found the other first. Do you? He left a comment, this new Monkey guy, and he's funny. Here's his site:

http://robotsversusninjas.blogspot.com/

Linds - thanks. But I'm not thru with Dumbgasm yet. Not by a longshot.

Jack - It's all for you, sexy.

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