there's no sex in elektra and it could have used some

Went to see Elektra last night. You know I don't approve of movie bashing posts (no matter how fun and how much there is to work with, and trust me, there is a lot of material to work with in bashing Elektra) so I'll resist and follow my own rules for once.

The real fun was dinner before the movie. BB, Virtigo, PHF and I all went out. Now, we've all known each other for a good long while, so there really isn't much restraint needed (or left) between us. We talk about EVERYTHING. We had to wait in the bar for an hour for the table, and downed about three drinks during that time. So by the time we got to the table, Virtigo and I alone because the guys were paying for the drinks, we were on our way to lit. The waiter asked us if anyone would be joining us. Virtigo told him that yeah, they were paying for the drinks in the bar.

"Oh," he replied, eyeing us, "Did you just meet them tonight?"

WTF??

I guess he was joking. So I played along, "Yeah, we just met them in the bar tonight." Virtigo chimed in that they were cute, too. I think one of us wondered aloud something to the effect of whether or not the waiter thought the guys would expect some action for their trouble, and perhaps it was about then that the waiter realized that it was us that might be trouble.

Well, we shared a round before ordering, during which the waiter overheard us talking about something with a vague (ok, maybe not so vague) sexual reference twice. One of us suggested that we make a point of making a sexually charged comment everytime the guy came by, and it sounded like great fun. (To his credit, the waiter tried to join in for awhile. But he wasn't funny.) So we proceeded with our little game.

As in Virtigo commenting that it'd been awhile since the kink.

As in me lamenting, yet again, the loss of Pillowtalk, "MY SEX BLOG"- which I added at the last moment when I saw the waiter approaching.

As in PHF coming up with yet another creative business idea: Whoring himself out for $1000 bucks a night. (I think he meant me, but he was still being diplomatic while giving me sidewise glances to determine how drunk I was.)

It might have been about now that BB observed that, "Funny we haven't actually had to try to make sexual comments. They've just been happening naturally."
And they continued naturally for the entire evening (we sat there for about two hours).

As in BB adding elaborating on the whoring idea by suggesting that if PHF had someone push him around in a shopping cart at Walmart (or was it Target?) in the evenings, he might actually get some takers.

As in myself further detailing how some actually semi-decent sex could be accomplished in a shopping cart. (Tall people can just stand there and lean into it.)

As in Virtigo mentioning something sexual I'd told her in confidence... "Or was that on your blog?? I can't remember. I'm too drunk."

As in PHF grinning madly when he'd realized he'd scored big (believe it or not we actually don't kiss and tell all that much - it's just that this story was too good to contain) and commenting on how that guy and that guy and that guy kept looking at me, and how their wives were getting pissed.

As in myself responding that flattery would only result in earthshattering sex, so don't expect much more, and how I knew he was leading up to something so cut the bullshit and just say it.

As in PHF finally admitting, that yeah, the original idea was to whore me out, but he hadn't thought of the shopping cart, and good idea since I'm little, yeah, I'd just fit...

As in Virtigo (who was by now in a drunken haze and a little behind the times) commenting that she hadn't known that I'd had an anonymous sex blog and wow, she couldn't believe it of me, and PHF responding that, "Well, it wouldn't have been very anonymous if she'd told everybody," and that even he hadn't known.

As in me noticing (or maybe I was just making shit up by then) that the sex blog concept turned him on and saying so. (I think there might have been a mention of specific posts, but by then the wine was getting low and I was back on beer, so it's pretty fuzzy.)

By the end of the evening the waiter was practically ignoring us, which was just as well. Because we were truly drunk and obnoxious and probably not at all clever to anyone but ourselves.

Rather in the spirit of Elektra.


6 comments:

daniel said...

Oh go on. Bash it. Bash it stoopid!

I'm going to. In about 4 years when it gets released in Australia.

I intend on pulling Elektra's pants down... in the literary sense.

lou said...

Last Saturday night a good guy friend of mine came into town and took me to a fabulously expensive dinner at a restaurant I had always wanted to patron. Unfortunately our reservations were for 9:30pm and we had been drinking, heavily and steadily, since 1:00pm.

Basically I was alseep on his shoulder by the time dessert came. He said the waiter was just shaking his head at us when he came to the table.

I was so embarrassed, and sad since I don't remember the fabulous dinner we had! Thank God I'll never see those people again.

Vir.ti.go said...

"As in Virtigo (who was by now in a drunken haze and a little behind the times)"

And loud. Don't forget LOUD. I got shushed twice at the table and once in the movie.

"Because we were truly drunk and obnoxious and probably not at all clever to anyone but ourselves."

We are always clever!!

sex scenes at starbucks said...

V- Oh, yeah. Loud. Except I had alcohol and a cold clogging my ears, so you didn't sound that loud to me.

Lou- hey, a truly great meal should make it through alcohol-numbed taste buds and keep you awake no matter how much you've had to drink. It's clearly the fault of the restaurant.

lou said...

You're right! It totally is their fault! I should complain...

Dear Diary said...

loving this blog!