You read it here first.
I'm doing it. I am snowboarding this weekend at Winter Park. That's the closest resort, well, big resort, to the Lake. (Yea we're goin' to the lake. --summertime pic, that. Isn't it heavenly?) Haven't been there in over a month and I'm homesick!!
I'm taking a lesson (translate - sliding down the bunny slope with a bunch of jack-offs from another state on my gortex-clad, well-toned, soon-to-be-black-and-blue- but-still-pretty-damn-fine ass). (Which brings to mind - I used to get told all the time by guys what a nice ass I had. Haven't been told that for a long time. I wonder if the novelty of my mighty fine ass has worn off for PHF?)
The Lad is taking a lesson too. His is all day and mine is two hours. I'm sure that's because as an adult I'm supposed to get better at this quicker. HA! I'm gonna suck, I know it. I'm such a fucking spaz when it comes to sports. I mean, I can walk down the street and shit, but when it comes to actually making my body go a certain way... it says "Fuck no, biatch. You just sit there on your ass and look sad." But for some insane reason I must try my damndest to be cool. Curse that urge! Damn it to hell!
I seriously have not been on skis lo these seven years, and I sucked before, so I figure, why not go and try something new to suck at? All the kids are doing it. It's been so long since I went skiing that the boarders then were still almost novelties; obnoxious snow hacks who carved off the tops of moguls and were really just the fuck in the way.
Now I'm gonna be one.
Greg, I will be wishing for you on Saturday even more than I wish for you... well, at other times. At least I get beer after, and all the Lad gets is a Sprite. He gets Sprite on weekends as a treat - yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I'm a responsible parent. It's a snore, but somebody's got to be one. If we're not too banged up (well, PHF will be fine - he's like an olympic skier or some shit - no seriously, I get all hot just watching him ski - it's like... beautiful, man) ok, so if I'M not too banged up I'll get to go out to the Lake Bar that night, where I shall drink my two dollar beers and PHF shall drink his three dollar Captain and Cokes and people watch. So you know I shall return Monday replete with stories in the genre of Old Men In Tap Shoes and European Guys Who Don't Realize They're Gay.
So play nice this weekend, kiddies. Don't get into any commentbox squabbles!! You know they won't be half as fun without me.