brad and jen broke up - oh boo hoo

Ok, I got eyes in my head. I love the way Brad Pitt looks. His face and hair and body in his early days of acting... yummy. They say symmetrical makes your face look better, and he must be pretty damn symmetrical. He's not too bad now either - though, if it's not obvious by now I kind of prefer guys in their twenties. I refer to looks, you understand, and flirting. Actually talking to a twenty-something guy in a bar makes me want to slam several whiskeys in an effort to sink to their mental capacity. God forbid I actually had to marry one.

And sure, B and J made a cute couple. The way they dyed their hair the same color and their matching, custom wedding rings (I mean, not exactly A for originality there though. PHF's hair and mine are the same color when mine's not dyed, and we had matching wedding bands a full decade before they ever did - along with half the married population). But they had the whole Hollywood Prom King and Queen thing goin' on for awhile. Bully for them.

Do I give a shit that they they broke up? No.

Why do people care? I don't know, but care they do. People are actually discussing this. These are vaguely recalled quotes from actual people that I actually know:

"Oh, that Jen, she just wants a career and no kids. I wish she'd have told him that from the beginning."

"Goddamn that Brad!! He just had to work with Angelina Jolie, and everyone knows she's the kiss of death to any marriage."

"I'm sorry, even if their marriage was in trouble, phone sex with Angelina Jolie was too low." (PHF- If the opportunity ever presents itself I hearby give you permission to have no penalty phone sex with Angelina Jolie.)

"Brad wants kids, and he's been like a surrogate father to Angelina's son."

"Angelina Jolie is a slut. But I'd fuck her."

"Oh, I knew she'd never ruin her body with kids. I said ever since they hooked up that it would never last. Jen is too self-centered."

Oh, I wasn't aware that we actually knew these people. WHY DOES ANYONE CARE??

Actors are by nature self-centered. So are writers. So are computer programmers. So are teachers. We are all self-centered, and actors hardly have a patent on it. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.

So that means that it's their good looks that attract us. Are we so shallow as to disregard personality in favor of good looks? Apparently. But then, maybe that's for the best. Because like selflessness, personality is a hot commodity in most actors from what I can see. They need to be short on personality so that the script can give them one.

I really don't care about famous people. I have a hard time getting worked up about people I don't know. Who cares who was at which party and what they are supporting and who is pregnant and who is getting married and divorced and least of all why all of it is happening?? Not me. Don't even get me started on when people talk about "what great parents such-and-such actors are," as if we don't all work and raise kids, and most of us with a whole hell of a lot less money.

Deepcleansingbreath. Deepcleansingbreath. Fuck, it's not working. I need to go do something else now. But Goddamn. If I hear another person describing an actor as "down to earth" I'm going to puke all over my People Magazine.


GoodKing Alan said...

But Angelina jolie is so 'down to earth'
At least that's what I'd hope she'd be
if she were anywhere near me.

Greg said...

Oh cmon sex, admit it. Fame and fortune is a naturally fascinating subject whichever way you slice it. Okay, so some poor beaners are a bit too caught up in the vicarious living and star watching, but I've been guilty of watching a bit too much VH1 and E from time to time.

I give a small rats ass that they broke up, not a big one, a small one.

Oh but about the whole "down to earth" thing. Yeah it makes me want to puke too. I'll be the judge of that. Although, I'm always made happy when i see a celebrity who isn't anti-intellectual for once. Oh yeah, and Brad Pitt actually IS kind of down to earth. Some reporter asked him what he thought of the Iraq war and he said, "why does anyone care what I think?". Go Brad!!!

I'll bite from time to time on the whole celebrity gossip thing, but I'm NOT the type of person who starts water cooler talks about it, and I know better than to take it too far. I don't give a shit that Linsey Lohan drank a beer at some party, I don't care that Britney Spears was so smashed she tripped in front of her limo. I wanna smash them, both of them, doggy style preferably. That's why I care.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

puppy style with a celeb? I'd want Brad flat on his back with the lights on so I could see that cute mug.

but then, as a guy you're probably most interested in the other end, anyway.

Greg said...

Okay i have a confession to make. I am in awe of Brad Pitt. He's so damn good looking. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing sexual about my fascination with him, but when i look at him i'm like holy shit that guy is hot. It's the same thing as if i were looking at a really ripped body builder and was like, holy shit he's ripped. But Brad Pitt... Shit. Good looking fella.

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

In an interview, Anthony Hopkins claimed that actors have no personality that is how they can pretend to be other people. Tom Cruz once said that actors are the most self centered and selfish bunch of people, and John Wayne said that most actors are stupid; in fact Wayne was very good friends with Clark Gable yet was always saying just how dumb Gable was.

The emphasis we put on these people who play a child’s game as a profession get way too much attention than they should ever deserve. They are tools for the director and writer to express themselves. I am sure many of them are nice people, but they should not be held with such great esteem as the word gives them.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Greg- shall I change it to true confessions at starbucks?

No, Brad's the shit, and I would do him in a heartbeat. I bet PHF wouldn't even hold it against me. (ok, maybe a little. flirting he'll tolerate, but actually doin' the nasty... but then it is Brad Pitt... dunnno, I'll have to ask him.)

Blue- yeah, but those were all actors, so we can't care what they say or think, right?

T Kwong said...

People are always fascinated by lives other then their own; it lets us feel less insecure about our own feelings of irrelevence. Take reality television: people see people acting like idiots and it allows them to think, "I'm wayyy better than that," or they'll see some singing competition and it's, "that could be some day."

I think celebrity cults are also formed by people who would rather believe in the life of someone else than their own. There's a big thick line between respect for the artist (questionable in some cases, but they're so pretty) and having no belief in your own personality.


daniel said...

Greg has what I term a "man-crush".

Nothing wrong with a man crush. It means the man admitting it is at complete comfort with his sexuality and who he is. Power to ya!
I have a man-crush on bradpitt, johnnydepp, therock and of course, arnie. They are inspirational in different ways... and BP is underrated as an actor because of his good looks. He is brilliant in everything he does, but his actual talent gets downplayed because he makes all the girls and some guys go "Oooh".

[quote] People are actually discussing this[/quote]

Hehe. including yourself.

Oh.. and just for you SS@Ssy, actors are just soo down to earth!!!

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Cryp- You little riddle-solver you! (Well, part of it, I'll give you that. - don't ruin the fun for everybody else, though.)

I'm not talking about THEM. I'm talking about OTHER people talking about them. It's completely not the same thing at all.

Brad's cute, but there is absolutely hands down no comparison to Johnny Depp. He da man. He's so... exotic... and sexy... and just plain HOT...

rather like yourself.
:P backatcha

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Right we don't car what they think, I just think it is funny that their own kind realizes that they are empty suits waiting to be filled with the latest personality.

daniel said...


You saucy flirt!