i refuse to use miscellaneous musings as this post title even though that is the most apt description of this post

I can't go much longer without mentioning the tsunami (which is a cool word even if the actual event sucks). Someblogy (hey, my own colloqialism, how about that?) said 50K dead. I dunno if it's right or not, or even if the whole "earth shaken off its axis" thing is right either, but Goddamn. How does that happen without us realizing it's happening? How is there not some cosmic wave, some aura alert system (AAS) that goes off? Are we so disconnected from our world that we can't feel FIFTY THOUSAND human beings losing their lives in one go?

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I like how Blogger treats itself like a little start-up: "We got a nice mention in Time magazine", as if Google isn't one of the most used, wealthiest search engines in the world. Shit, colloqialisms have sprung up around Google like batshit in a cave. Google-spank is the latest funny. (When someone replies to your email with the link to the proper Google search as to where you could find out the answer to your query.)

I know I'll pay for saying that. I know. Just can't help it.

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Basketball night at the gym. Shirts and skins after lifting. Yummy.

Yeah, I know it's a double standard; they can't look and I can. But the world does revolve around me, remember?

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Ok, people, I'm getting a complex. I know SOMEBODY out there is reading this blog. Either that, or someone is bringing up this page fifty times a day just to fuck with me. Actually, I can't even say anything to my friends anymore without them nodding like, yeah, yeah, I read that today. I get emails like: "Good for you for going to the zoo!" I realize it's the holidays and folks are tired and just don't have much to say. But I fucking live for the comments so TALK TO ME, PEOPLE!! Stroke my ego. Stroke me, baby.

On that note: I'm opening up the floor to questions and I swear to answer each one. (Not that I swear to be 100% honest. I'll be 60% honest, how's about that?) Give me your best shot.

Pleeeeeease don't embarrass me by asking no questions. This is a risk because Greg is all the way in Hong Kong, and he isn't reading, and I know he at least would ask me a question. It's also a risky time of year, but I'm desperate for some back-and-forth here. Call me lonely.

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Also call me horny. I just read this book where these elves (thank you for the loan, BB's wife who is also BB; it was a slow start but by page 50 I couldn't put it down. Rather like my own first novel, only this one wasn't her first, and she lives in Missouri of all places... ok, and I think this would be a textbook digression but while I'm at it, do commas go inside or outside the parentheses when included in a sentence, Krypto? I'm too lazy to check S&W, and besides, I've got my own hot-assed language arts teacher consultant on-line. Someday when I figure out how to do it I will so post your pic on here and they will come a runnin', K.)

Ok, 4-square do-over.

These elves have little compunction (or shall I say cumpunction) about fucking anything that will lie still long enough. Of course they are all fabulous in bed; torturously, deliciously slow; enjoy a little pain with their sex; do specific shit that I like; and oh, did I mention they throw in magic that makes them glow when it's going well? Can you imagine? You're goin' at it and you open your eyes and you look up, or down, or in the mirror, at the flavor of the month and he/she is glowing?? Quite the stroke to the ego, huh?

Holy fuck, I'm horny. I sure as hell hope there's a sequel.

6 comments:

Monkey said...

Sex scenes at starbucks - here are your questions:

A) What is that under your couch in your living room?
2) The longest period fucking I ever did was ______ (min/hours/days)
3) The person I'd most like to speak to, one on one, with no interruptions is ____
D) Your favorite animal at the zoo is? (why?)
5) The greatest band of all time according to me, SS&S, is _________

ej said...

hey you.
dont mind if i link you from my blog.i would like to share you with the rest of my 'fans'. heh. nice reads.

ej.
www.sortofafairytale.blogspot.com

GoodKing Alan said...

Stroke............!
How many completed novels/novelas do you have?
How many do you consider worthy of publishing (as they are)?
Where are your piercings?

Krypto said...

We're sorry... the hot-assed language arts hotline is closed for the holidays. But because the hotline is bored as fuck at the moment (at least until late tomorrow evening, when he'll be unconscious as fuck), the answer to your grammatical inquiry is:

When the comma is part of your original sentence, keep it with the original sentence (outside parentheses). When the comma is part of your parenthetical remark, keep it with the parenthetical remark (inside parentheses).

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Horny elves? Please don't tell me that you get off on that hentai anime tentacle rape stuff, too...

Jack said...

Who would you switch teams for?
Where did the name "Sex Scenes At Starbucks" come from?
Will you have sex with me?
What is your favorite movie?
How come my urine looks like apple cider?
If someone came up to you in a bar and asked you these same questions, how many times would you kick them in the testicles?

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