This topic was inspired by something I read on a blog (can't recall which one or I'd post a link) but I'm going to be more concise. After careful research I've come up with a short list of no-nos.
1. Write a brief note about why you're not writing. I'm smart. I'll figure out that you're sick/getting drunk/working too hard/having a life for crissake... Besides, it reeks of "The World Revolves Around Me Syndrome."
2. Post pictures of yourself. You were way better looking in my imagination.
3. No teenage angst. I don't care.
This one is so important it bears repeating.
NO TEENAGE ANGST.
ie, you hate your mother, your teachers, your life, school is boring... Which leads neatly to my next point-
4. If it's boring you, think how it is for me.
5. Try to impress me with your multi-lingual ability. Pick a language and stick with it.
6. Poetry. Don't. Again, I don't care.
7. If you quit, don't bother with the lengthy explaination/goodbye. I'll move on with my life (heavy sigh) somehow.
8. Write about being alone and depressed. That's just depressing and lonely.
9. Give an itemized list of what you drank last night. You were drunk. I get it.
10. Tell me about movies you don't like. Are you Roger freakin' Ebert? No! I'll run right out and see it just to spite you.
11. Write without punctuation, capitals, or use numbers for words. More fucking teenage angst, only this time it's poorly disguised by bad style.
12. Write about how nobody understands you. (Grown-ups are guilty of this as well.) Guess what??! You're a freak! I don't get you, and I won't be back.
13. Write in blogger Draft if you are a bad speller, bad at grammer, etc. (No help for you there.) It's annoying as all hell for those of us who are good at it. Here's a clue, moron: write it in Word and copy it onto your blog. (Again, let's be supportive here: control C, control V)
14. Use initials for phrases. lol, fyi, btw, kio, fu. See #3 for why.
I'm sure that all I would need to do is hit "next blog" (top right of my page) to find more. There's a lot of bullshit out there. But there's some latent talent too. Some of us folks might be paid for this someday and just think, you knew us way back when.