Big Scary Guy

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Got an email request to describe Big Scary Guy:
"...I've never seen him at the gym and I go every day! Have I just missed him?" -g

First of all, apologies for the lame nickname, but when the pants fit...

He doesn't go to the gym anymore because there is no way to miss this guy. If you'd ever seen him you'd know exactly who he is. First of all, he is the textbook description of "cut." I heard through semi-reliable sources that he does steroids, but he also clearly lifts every day.

How to really describe him? Once good looking, now he's got a hard look about him - lines and scars cross his face like a strip mine. He's got lots of tattoos, one of which says "combat vet" and I'm sure he earned that stripe by jumping out of airplanes and slitting the throats of third world despots. But the thing I noticed first is his awareness. The man has a hyper-developed sense of his surroundings. I only noticed because I do too. snickers from the audience(Ok, except when driving, but I prefer to keep my eyes on the road.)

Other characteristics of note: miscellaneous piercings alongside the ink: prerequisite lobe hoops (no cartilage - so I've got him there) but he's got nipple rings (he's quite a sight in a swimsuit). I've heard men joke-nervously and very quietly- that he wouldn't be so tough if you grabbed one of the nipple rings and gave it a good tug.

Riiight.

I think another (well-built) friend described him best when he said, "Can't you tell the guy's a killer?"

This friend actually talked to BSG - one of the few who stand eye to eye with him. "I felt like he was eyeing me in a mean way, and we didn't even know each other so I went to talk to him. Personable enough guy though. I don't know why I got the bad vibes."

I said, "Maybe because you're the only guy in the place that could spot him on bench press?"

If there are guys like BSG still in the military, then there's hope yet for defeating those nasty terrorists.

Oh, and did I mention the American flag contact lenses? It's hearsay; but there is no way I'll ever get close enough to confirm the rumor. I mean, he's big and he's scary. Best to steer clear.